I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
They took my balls.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
