I have demons in me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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