he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
