So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
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