he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
