when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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