Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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