So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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