Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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