During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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