apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
