The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
