i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
