she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
