Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
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