Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
