The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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