Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
