The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
