Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
