Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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