If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
