My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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