I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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