I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
