Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
