i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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