My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
