Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
