i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
