I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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