the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
