Moan for me like Helen Keller
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Randomize
