Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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