Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
