I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize