Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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