Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
