Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
