my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
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When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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