On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
