my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize