did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
