I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
