dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
