I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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