Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
