It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
