I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
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THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
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