nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
