i think my mom watched the whole time
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
