So drunk its hurt
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
