Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize