Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
