giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
