She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize