You made me cry and you don't even care
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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