the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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