Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
