remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
