My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
