Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
