I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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