i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
