he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
