Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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