You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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