I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
