pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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